I received a call from a friend today that another friend of ours recently had a miscarriage. She had asked the friend to call others so that she did not have to go through the uncomfortable conversation when people asked how she was doing (with the pregnancy). My heart is just crying for her and her husband. They have struggled for so long to have children and while I have never experienced this pain myself I can only imagine the sadness she must be feeling right now.
I spoke to another friend during this past week, she has a pre-teen son who has had problems with porn. This problem has now escalated to stealing women's underwear and she is so scared. She is scared for his future and her little girl. I am scared for her and don't know how to help. What a scary thing for such a little boy to be struggling with. Who do you talk to about something like that?
There are so many issues in the world today that people keep secret or don't want to talk about.... struggling relationships, miscarriages, child issues..... Why are people so afraid (myself included) to talk about problems -- I believe there is so much judgement in the world that we have shut others out.... It's just so sad.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
the truth
Okay, so my marriage sucks right now.
There I've said it.
I have put such a face on and it is so hard. The only people who really know how bad our marriage sucks is my husband and I. Oh, I'm sure the kids have an idea but probably not as bad as it is, at least I hope not.
Oh, and the marriage counselor we've been seeing for 4 months, he has a pretty good idea - obviously, since this past week he told us he really couldn't help us anymore - that's a slap in the face if I've ever seen one. He also told me I need to find some friends and a good support line. Probably so I'm prepared if my husband ever goes through on his little divorce threat he throws at me every other day.
Damn my life sucks right now.
It's not like it happened overnight. Life is hard enough now-a-days, then you add a step-family and different backgrounds and views of parenting and two very strong headed people trying to pull it all together on love and it's sort of a recipe for a disaster.
Then, the icing on the cake was two years ago when this tramp who I thought was a friend felt it would be nice to take advantage of my already fragile marriage and slept with my husband.
So, you could say I have a ton bottled up. and no one to talk with about it.
And now you know the truth.
There I've said it.
I have put such a face on and it is so hard. The only people who really know how bad our marriage sucks is my husband and I. Oh, I'm sure the kids have an idea but probably not as bad as it is, at least I hope not.
Oh, and the marriage counselor we've been seeing for 4 months, he has a pretty good idea - obviously, since this past week he told us he really couldn't help us anymore - that's a slap in the face if I've ever seen one. He also told me I need to find some friends and a good support line. Probably so I'm prepared if my husband ever goes through on his little divorce threat he throws at me every other day.
Damn my life sucks right now.
It's not like it happened overnight. Life is hard enough now-a-days, then you add a step-family and different backgrounds and views of parenting and two very strong headed people trying to pull it all together on love and it's sort of a recipe for a disaster.
Then, the icing on the cake was two years ago when this tramp who I thought was a friend felt it would be nice to take advantage of my already fragile marriage and slept with my husband.
So, you could say I have a ton bottled up. and no one to talk with about it.
And now you know the truth.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Fairytales & step-moms
So, I am a step-mom .... you know the "evil one" you read about all the time in fairytales.
I really feel fairytales make a lot of stuff sound twisted - I mean after all perhaps step-moms, wolves and giants aren't so bad? Who wrote this stuff anyhow? Hardly ever does life ever happen the way they sound - I just read a story this past week like that - a guy in New York fell in love with a girl across the tracks and created a website to find her and he did but now they have seperated: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080729/od_nm/subway_dc I do suppose, that is why they are called FAIRYTALES.
I do feel step-parents do have a bad rap though - I love my step-kids! I will always say I am a family of 6 with 4 kids - no exclusions, no exceptions; this is how we are. In fact at my last high school reunion I won an award - out of all the attendees there I received an award for having the most kids -- my husbands comment was we didn't need to recieve that again.... hardy, har, har :)
Step-parenting has it ups and downs, just like any parenting does.... there's just a lot more people involved.
The greatest gift at the end of the day though is looking into those beautiful blue eyes and hearing them say "I love you"....... then I look into a mirror and chant "mirror, mirror on the wall who's the fairest in the land..." hardy, har, har :)
Any other step-parents out there??
I really feel fairytales make a lot of stuff sound twisted - I mean after all perhaps step-moms, wolves and giants aren't so bad? Who wrote this stuff anyhow? Hardly ever does life ever happen the way they sound - I just read a story this past week like that - a guy in New York fell in love with a girl across the tracks and created a website to find her and he did but now they have seperated: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080729/od_nm/subway_dc I do suppose, that is why they are called FAIRYTALES.
I do feel step-parents do have a bad rap though - I love my step-kids! I will always say I am a family of 6 with 4 kids - no exclusions, no exceptions; this is how we are. In fact at my last high school reunion I won an award - out of all the attendees there I received an award for having the most kids -- my husbands comment was we didn't need to recieve that again.... hardy, har, har :)
Step-parenting has it ups and downs, just like any parenting does.... there's just a lot more people involved.
The greatest gift at the end of the day though is looking into those beautiful blue eyes and hearing them say "I love you"....... then I look into a mirror and chant "mirror, mirror on the wall who's the fairest in the land..." hardy, har, har :)
Any other step-parents out there??
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
In-laws
In-laws are a sticky subject for me. My whole life I have listened to my mom complain about her problems with her in-laws. It was really sad, I never knew cousins or aunts & uncles for who they really were. Apparently there was some family history that no one wants to share but 40 years later the hard feelings are unfortunately still there.
Sooo when it came to having problems with my own in-laws I was beside myself with guilt. It was like re-living my childhood for my children - how frustrating!
My husband is the youngest with an older brother and an older sister. Unfortanately for my sister-in-law, I sort of fill the shoes of the sister she NEVER wanted.... Her whole life she has sort of been the queen of the roost and then her poor brother had to go ahead and marry little ol' me. So, unfortanately we just avoid most of his family most of the time.
That is until like 2 weeks ago when his parents gathered everyone around.....
They announced that they would like to have the family take a big family trip before they get to old to do anything like this - okay, I guess I can accept that. First there was talk of traveling across country in an RV - are you kidding me?? These people yell and call each other names if we have a family supper together and you want to ride across the country crammed into an RV (immediately I told myself I would call my doctor and get some sort of prescription to get me through it!).
Well, unfortunately the family is a little disorganized and now they're throwing like 6 different plans out - kindly taking 7 different people's opinions into consideration.... but then the bomb dropped, we get to pay for most of it ourselves. Okay, now I'm fit to be tied. They're talking of a cruise and don't get me wrong I would LOVE to go on a cruise - the sweetie and I have talked of this often - but okay, now that I'm paying for this 'family trip' I'm thinking am I really ready to "give it up" and be okay with his whole family for a whole week? (maybe I'll still be calling that doctor)..... I'm really torn over weather I really should be grumbling or not..... eerrrrr
Sooo when it came to having problems with my own in-laws I was beside myself with guilt. It was like re-living my childhood for my children - how frustrating!
My husband is the youngest with an older brother and an older sister. Unfortanately for my sister-in-law, I sort of fill the shoes of the sister she NEVER wanted.... Her whole life she has sort of been the queen of the roost and then her poor brother had to go ahead and marry little ol' me. So, unfortanately we just avoid most of his family most of the time.
That is until like 2 weeks ago when his parents gathered everyone around.....
They announced that they would like to have the family take a big family trip before they get to old to do anything like this - okay, I guess I can accept that. First there was talk of traveling across country in an RV - are you kidding me?? These people yell and call each other names if we have a family supper together and you want to ride across the country crammed into an RV (immediately I told myself I would call my doctor and get some sort of prescription to get me through it!).
Well, unfortunately the family is a little disorganized and now they're throwing like 6 different plans out - kindly taking 7 different people's opinions into consideration.... but then the bomb dropped, we get to pay for most of it ourselves. Okay, now I'm fit to be tied. They're talking of a cruise and don't get me wrong I would LOVE to go on a cruise - the sweetie and I have talked of this often - but okay, now that I'm paying for this 'family trip' I'm thinking am I really ready to "give it up" and be okay with his whole family for a whole week? (maybe I'll still be calling that doctor)..... I'm really torn over weather I really should be grumbling or not..... eerrrrr
Walking
I have a family of 6, 7 if you count the dog.... and we live in an area with a lot of walking/biking trails. This summer we have been taking the dog on a lot of walks down the trail (not only does the dog need to lose weight but I could stand to shed a few pounds myself!). I have been very proud of my discipline in this area as I am NOT a fanatic of exercising.
Last night I walked the dog with the two little ones while the older kids were at their various activities and a thought occured to me -- my family doesn't like to walk side-by-side! It's like we're afraid to or something! I hold the dog and he walks whichever way he pleases stopping here or there and dragging me all over. After a bit though he does get tired and walks more of a straight line but by then I have one kid way ahead of me and the other is dragging behind me. I have noticed when walking with my husband he walks a bit ahead of me too - don't leave me behind! The older ones like to walk in their own little world too, daydreaming I suppose. I feel my children are growing so fast - I can't keep up. No more needing to walk beside me and hold my hand!
Last night I walked the dog with the two little ones while the older kids were at their various activities and a thought occured to me -- my family doesn't like to walk side-by-side! It's like we're afraid to or something! I hold the dog and he walks whichever way he pleases stopping here or there and dragging me all over. After a bit though he does get tired and walks more of a straight line but by then I have one kid way ahead of me and the other is dragging behind me. I have noticed when walking with my husband he walks a bit ahead of me too - don't leave me behind! The older ones like to walk in their own little world too, daydreaming I suppose. I feel my children are growing so fast - I can't keep up. No more needing to walk beside me and hold my hand!
New to blog
I'm going to give blogging a try.
Not sure if I'll have enough interesting things to say but perhaps someone out there in cyberspace will think so..... I have a crazy life that may be interesting to someone to read about. I also want to read about other crazy lives - then I won't feel so alone in "crazy land"...
My crazy life consists of 4 kids, 1 husband and 1 dog. I live in the same town I grew up in although I love to travel and see places I've never been before. I love a good mystery and am guaranteed to cry if the movie gets the least bit sappy (sad, I know..) I work full time at a college and my kids are usually running in 3 different directions.
I am working on learning to trust God with my problems. I am a controller - if I don't have control, I feel helpless - forgive me, I'm working on this! I was recently told to learn to "give it up" so that's my new saying. It's hard though, really hard....
Not sure if I'll have enough interesting things to say but perhaps someone out there in cyberspace will think so..... I have a crazy life that may be interesting to someone to read about. I also want to read about other crazy lives - then I won't feel so alone in "crazy land"...
My crazy life consists of 4 kids, 1 husband and 1 dog. I live in the same town I grew up in although I love to travel and see places I've never been before. I love a good mystery and am guaranteed to cry if the movie gets the least bit sappy (sad, I know..) I work full time at a college and my kids are usually running in 3 different directions.
I am working on learning to trust God with my problems. I am a controller - if I don't have control, I feel helpless - forgive me, I'm working on this! I was recently told to learn to "give it up" so that's my new saying. It's hard though, really hard....
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